Difficulties

I'm struggling. I can admit it, I can fight it, I can talk about it, but I can't seem to overcome it. The last 30 days have been the most difficult of my adult life. It isn't just one thing, or feeling overwhelmed in one way, it feels like everything is stacked against us. I'm not sitting around depressed or allowing it to overcome me, but I am struggling to cope tonight.

My 30 day marathon: (in no particular order just need to vent it all out)
Isaac hospitalized - Brings back memories of struggling with 2 of my own children being in the hospital; which until this month, that time with Jessica in hospital at 1 month old was the worst period of my life.
Isabella hospitalized - on the phone with Abe for 3 hours as he takes her to Urgent care and ultimately to the hospital for the same thing Isaac was just released from the hospital for hours earlier. Hearing Abraham cry and express his frustration. Feeling desperately sad and wanting to help. Feeling trapped in AZ and my life here, and only being able to offer to pray and listen.
Bernadette in preterm labor - I can't offer to help with my nephews who I love so much and want to give assistance. I remember feeling so overwhelmed with my own preterm labor and giving birth to a baby rushed off to the NICU. Bernadette's sweet baby is so much less developed and won't survive. It is stressful and I feel helpless.
Melinda cancer- Went in for an exam, the Dr. called to say she needs to go over the results in her office. We don't expect good news, Melinda asks me to go with her. I hold her hand as the Dr. explains she has cancer and needs to get the proper care ASAP to determine how far it has gone and what her chances are.
Mom sibling death- calls to let me know her brother passed away. I never knew my Uncle Hank. I don't even know the names of his children. I feel sad for my Mom's loss, and am grateful that her brother reached out to her in the last couple of years, after decades of them not speaking, to heal their relationship. The story of his illness and death are eerily similar to the illness and difficulties my own Dad is experiencing. It brings back into sharp focus how my Dad is so close to slipping past the veil and can really go at any time. I grieve for the father I have already lost on so many levels as his mind and health continue to deteriorate.
Anya emergency surgery - to remove her appendix. With 2 little babies at home and being so far away I again feel helpless to offer more then email encouragement and prayers. I want to be there to help with her recovery (I know she struggles with putting herself first).
Debbie diagnosed with MS - I think of her 4 young children and the difficulties she and her family will face. I am humbled by her faith and strength. Life is beginning to feel precious and uncertain.
Davis Family Steven passed away - Grief.  So sad for his family. He was only 29, unmarried. I know his parents and siblings are suffering. It creeps into my thoughts at random moments each day. The only thing I can think to do is offer a prayer. His funeral service will be on Jessica's 6th birthday. I rearrange the party and hope I can be cheerful enough for her after spending the morning with dear friends as they put their loved one to rest.
Paul it might be cancer - How many family members can be diagnosed with cancer in 30 days??? My poor sister has enough burdens trying to cope with keeping her 3rd son from being born while arranging care for the other 2. Bernadette calls me freaking out (understandably so) trying to get control of her emotions before Paul can make it home from the disappointing Dr. appointment. I want to hold her and tell her everything will be all right, but the truth is my faith in that old stand by has been seriously shaken at this point.
Anna is sick - Hours spent with Dr.'s and specialists.  Poor Anna has had some type of exposure to something that effected her greatly. She spent a night vomiting and the next few days with sever abdominal problems. It has been weeks of heavier medication and daily pain. She has lost weight, isn't sleeping well and struggles to make it through each day. I am amazed at her strength of character as she has to advocate for herself with the nurse at school, and manages to bring her grades up despite this relapse into major GI issues. After so many positive months of controlling her chronic illness we have no idea what brought on this relapse.
Jessica Dyslexia?? - Parent teacher conference went as I expected it to. Jessica's teacher and I have been conversing for the last several months and working extensively with her to try and help her learn. She has a real and concerning disconnect between what she sees and being able to convert those images into letters, numbers, and shapes. Orally she is passing with flying colors, her fluency is very below typical. Looking into getting her tested and treated, it all costs hundreds and thousands of dollars.

Sewer line broken - the short term fix the plumber put in place 3 months ago costing over $600 has run out and now we need to really get it fixed. The new cost are over $1,700 and days of people coming to dig up my yard and work on my house.
Furnace broken - not kidding this happened within 12 hours of the sewer line quitting. Worse yet we are headed into an Arctic Front that will bring colder temperatures than AZ has seen in several years. How does this happen?? What are the odds that in such a good climate the furnace will break right when you need it most? On top of another problem!! UGH!! $400 to get it up and running. (this happened the same week of Melinda's bad news)
Flooded Bedroom - Spending a rainy Saturday cleaning the bedroom meant we were there to notice that the roof/wall/whatever is causing the rain to come into our home, rot our drywall and beams and stucco. It seems to have been a problem for a while based on the amount of damage we can see when moving the heavy furniture out of the way. It goes into the bathroom as well, I dread to find out what has been growing under the tub and in the walls. Call to the home owners insurance to process a claim I anticipate this being $1,000's of dollars in damage. Maybe I can get away with the $1,000 deductible. (fingers crossed). Add another thing to the day I meant to be celebrating Jessica's birth.
Broken Window - It wasn't enough that our home was filling with water from some mysterious leak. A Barbie went through the girls window during clean up of their room. More water in the house and a problem of old windows we hoped to address at some point is now getting priority. Still haven't had time to figure this out.
Money is so tight - with our home falling apart around us this month financial difficulties follow. We were hoping next month would be our chance to begin getting ahead. No such luck as it will begin with the hardship of the new set of problems.

A Working Mom - owning my own company has advantages, but in a month like this one I really struggle as it also means I don't have anyone to do my job if I am not there. With the weight of all the above I have a difficult time keeping pace with the goals and workload my partner and I implemented to help us be successful. The highs and lows of our industry rub at my frayed nerves. I feel guilty when I'm at work with a sick child in tow or forced to school so I can work, and I feel guilty when I stay home to deal with the pressures and difficulties of what is my life. It has been a lose lose situation so far this year.

I'm not sure if I feel better for getting it all out there. It really is as bad as I thought it all was/is.

Truth be told, I am hopeful about the future. I believe that February will be better. I'll wake up tomorrow and  be happy for the new day, focus on controlling what I can and trying to let go of what I can't. Our family has been praying that our burdens (and those of family and friends) will be made light.  My faith allows me to believe this will happen. So I'll go to bed now and start my day with exercise tomorrow.

Spring Break! No Kids!

We managed 4 and a half days with no kids. This was our longest break as parents, and we LOVED it!

Wayne and Sherrie took the girls to California for some Spring Break Fun! Other then the fact that I had to mess with packing and (still working on) unpacking them I was hands off. They had a wonderful time swimming in a heated pool, playing on Coronado Beach, Sea World, eating out, staying up late and wearing their grandparents out.

Jarom had already taken the week off of work for my birthday so he happened to be home and we enjoyed an AWESOME "stay cation" of our own. We watched the "Hunger Games", ate all the snacks and pizza we could handle and took Cubby on some long walks (he was really missing the girls). 

Anna and Sarah had a ton to say about their funtabulous time. They could have stayed up all of Sunday night sharing their every moment away from home. Anna finally asked how our time was; we could only say it was great. She asked what we did and after getting the short list she shrugged and said "That sounds pretty boring to me". Well, I'll take boring again anytime. 

Family Update

I was just emailing a family member and realized that I could use it as a quick update to my blog. Our family is so busy, but we are taking time to enjoy ourselves and I'm very proud of my Beautiful Girls. So here's what we've been up to.


We are doing well. Jarom did hear from Boarder Patrol. They said "We are very interested in you, but it is taking us a year to process the background packets. Don't call us we'll call you, just be patient." Our year mark will be in August, so Jarom is still looking for another option.

I've gone back to work, but that's a long story.

Sarah is AMAZING us with her super talents. She had field day at school a couple of weeks ago and won a ribbon in every event. She was so good that she is going to District on the 13th. It shouldn't be a surprise that she has some real running talent and we are going to work with her on developing that more. Sarah was also recently chosen to have her art project entered into a regional event. She didn't win any awards but just being selected was a real honor.

Anna will be 8 in no time. Her baptism is April 14th at 3pm. (We just finalized that today.) Anna has also been going through a difficult time with her reflux, food allergies, seasonal allergies and now Asthma. This kid keeps me busy. We have numerous appointments lined up this next week. We are thinking about starting Anna on Piano lessons as she needs something positive to focus on and she would LOVE it.

Jessica had a great birthday! Due to a computer crash I don't have pictures to share but hope to recover some soon. She is Star of the Week at preschool and we just finished her poster. She said that Disneyland is her favorite place, If she could have anything she'd want a Princess Bunk bed, Her favorite thing to do is watch movies and play video games, When she grows up she wants to be a worker in the temple. I think she described herself very well, Jessica sure does know what she likes. She is also preparing for Kindergarten. She is excited!! She doesn't know that I made an appointment for her to get the rest of her shots this week, a sad part of being ready for public schools.

This is my life and I love it. I know all to soon I'll be an empty nester and I'll miss my sweet girls. So I take time to enjoy them now.

Super Cubby

It seems my mind only turns to writing late at night. I've had so many blog ideas that begin to form only to be replaced by numbers as I count myself to sleep. Those nights have been getting much earlier thanks to my Hubby's new work schedule which has him out the door by 1:30am. So, why the break in my new found tradition of getting enough sleep? That is an interesting story one I thought was worth a BLOG.

Last night as a dutiful wife I was in bed at the reasonable time of 8:30pm. I spent about an hour waiting for the kids to really settle down, then another half hour of sneaking my IPod under the blankets playing Bejeweled. Finally, I was about to drift off...when Cubby started barking. Cubby is a wonderful dog, he only barks if someone other then the immediate family is at the door, and then only until I ask him to stop. Cubby has never barked in the late hours of the night. Of course I had to see what was wrong. When I called him down the hall to my room he came with a defensive posture turning his back on me and growling toward the front of the house. I asked what's wrong and he cautiously started down the hall. By the time I reached him, he took it as his cue to run to our big back window and freak out in a way I've never seen before. That is when I noticed the silhouette of someone standing 3 feet from our back door. With Cubby attacking the window they seemed to take the hint and rather quickly went for the gate heading out.

I was not excited to realize Cubby wasn't picking up a bad habit but really had something to be worked up about. I woke Jarom and while he took in my story and prepared to investigate we heard a car start and pull out of our street rather quickly. Well, my man turned on lights, double checked every lock and child, declared the house as safe as it can get, patted Cubby on the head and snuggled his shaking wife until she could fall asleep. I woke when his alarm went off (wasn't there any way he could call in just this once so I wouldn't be alone??), and did not really fall asleep again.

I must admit I've gotten pretty dang good at letting things go. I don't tend to let stress, anger or fear dictate my life for long; so I faced today with renewed courage and determination. I took it in stride while making a Dr. appointment for Sarah this morning (now our family's 6th visit to a Dr./Urgent Care/ER in 3 weeks). I wasn't thrilled when Jarom called to tell me he was already an hour late getting off and would be even later, but at least he called and we could coordinated schedules. It was while standing at the "closed for a lunch break" pharmacy he delivered the really bad news...He was needed back at work by 9pm and I would get to spend the afternoon and evening trying to keep the kids quite so he could sleep. (I've not forgotten where my story started, I'm just sharing the key details.) Worse yet, I will be spending the night at home alone with the Creeper. Oh yeah, and since we can't use our garage if Creeper decides to come by again tonight He'll notice that my Husband's car is gone.

As my Mom reminded me (after I broke down and asked her to spend the night with me so I wouldn't be the only adult home in the event the Creeper makes it into the house) I'm not defenseless. I have a choice of weapons, a home alarm system, a cell phone and a Super Cubby. Somehow, as I sit here alone listening to every noise of the house these things aren't quite enough to comfort me.

I might be able to get some sleep, but my meditation counting isn't going to be enough to stave off this stress. Too bad Cubby is such a good dog, he always sleeps right where we've trained him to (in the girls bathroom) so he won't be in the bedroom to keep me company. (For the record my Mom was willing to drive all the way over here and stay the night but she had important things to attend to at home.)

I did mention I'm attempting to live my life with more optimism right... Here is the proof as I share the second part of my Super Cubby post. A happier part which I felt was worthy of adding to the online world but didn't have time for until now. Anna wrote this book all on her own a couple of months ago. I'm really proud of her I think she did an excellent job.

Yes, thank you Super Cubby. You do more then find lunch boxes, you protect our family.

Small Moments

Dinner was done and cleaned up, the girls were watching something boring on TV and Jarom was on the computer. I found myself heading to my room for some quite. Somehow when I got there the bed just looked so inviting. I was only lying down for about 3 minutes before Jarom came in and scooted me over so he could lie down and snuggle with me. Within minutes Sarah and Jessica came into the room they thought our bed looked cozy too so they climbed in. Anna wondered where we all were and joined us. (We are not an everyone come into our room and climb in our bed kind of family these moments are rare and kind of special.)

Our bed isn't that big, and the kids are growing fast....so it wasn't exactly comfortable anymore with extra knees, feet and elbows. We started singing a song, I'm not sure why they remember it, about we're all in the bed and the little one said roll over, roll over. We all roll over and one fell out. At the end of the song the little one is left with the bed all to herself.

Jarom had to get ready for work and the girls were goofing around. I went over to Jarom at the dresser and just gave him a quick kiss and hug to thank him for snuggling with me, especially because I was going to be spending another night alone. We were just stealing a couple of seconds expressing our love he called me his beautiful wife. We didn't realize we had an audience until Anna said, "Awww, I want a Husband".

It's these unplanned moments that can mean the most. It reassures us all that we have each other and love each other. It helps the girls know that they need to find someone who will respect and love them more then anything else in the world. Just like their Daddy loves me.

Proud Mama

Every Mom thinks her kids are great! Well, I'm no exception. This last week my daughters kept me very busy with proud moments.

On Monday we had Daddy unexpectedly home and an hour to waste after picking Anna up from school and before Sarah would be done, so I suggested we take our youngest child Jessica to the park and teach her how to ride her bike - with only 2 wheels.

Watching Jessica on her training wheeled bike was amazing. That bike was a best bud taking her where she wanted to go and always submitting to her will. She would go down big bumps and often coast to a perfect stop. She was confident and comfortable, so it seemed about time to shake that up.

As expected she was vocally nervous. She pitched a fit and cried and begged us not to let go. She took a couple of decent falls and I could see she was getting frustrated. She took it out on her bike pushing it to the ground then stomping her foot and yelling at her Daddy that she was never going to do it again not EVER!! I wasn't sure just how far we could push her so I decided it was time to intervene and had Jay take a bench break with me while Jessica could do what she wanted.

Less than a minute of standing there looking from the swings back to her betrayer bike laying on the ground Jessica took a page right out of Sarah's book and said "I'm going to try it again. Lets just go straight though." I like to call these moments "MACK GRIT". Jessica couldn't just walk away, she was going to keep trying until she and her bike were best friends again.

5 minutes later found her jumping and shouting only this time because she was so excited, she was riding in a straight line! Four evenings later and my Spunky Bunky is once again on good terms with her bike. She often takes sharp turns that I'm sure will send her to the pavement but Jessica seems to know just what her bike can do for her and handles it like an expert.

Yes, I'm proud. It is bitter sweet though. Each of Jessica's firsts marks another of my lasts.





I wore my Proud Badge again today as the girls preformed in the Primary Program at church. They all practiced hard and let their talents shine. Each did an excellent job with their parts. Jessica was the second Sunbeam to give a line and I can tell you she was "So scared" she told me before church that she didn't want to say it in front of all those people. JT told her to look down at the 2 rows of her family that were there to support her because she wouldn't be scared of them. I was sitting on the stand behind her so I'm not sure where her attention was, but she delivered her line clearly and flawlessly then went back to her seat with a big smile and thumbs up for me. Her primary teacher said she inspired several of the other kids in her class to make it through their parts too.

Anna & Sarah stole the show (in my humble opinion). They sang the 8th verse of "Book of Mormon Stories" as a duet. I was happy that they sang clearly, stayed in tune and didn't speed sing faster then the piano could accompany them. I'm proud of them for bringing an extra sweet spirit to the meeting. More then just words being sung my girls sounded like angles because I could feel the testimony behind what they sang. Several people told me they felt it too.

Here is the verse they sang:
After Christ was crucified and died for you and me,
He came forth to teach the truth to all who would be free.
Hands were laid upon each child. He blessed them tenderly,
And they lived in the land righteously.

These are just a couple bigger examples of why I'm proud. It goes beyond that in the little details of life...cleaning without arguing, reminding us to have family scripture study, doing homework without being asked the list could and does go on. Maybe it was the bigger things that brought the smaller ones into a clear focus for me. Whatever the cause this week I feel like a proud Mama!

Dreams

Jessica woke me in the middle of the night. I thought she probably needed to go potty. As I am getting out of bed she begins her story...

"Mommy I just had a dream. I dreamed I was in a green field and there were so many butterflies and they were so pretty. They were blue and purple and pink and green. I really liked them." She pauses to take a deep sigh. I am now out of bed and take her hand to lead her to the bathroom. To my surprise she begins crying.

"The butterflies were all over me. They were licking me and covering my eyes." Jessica is really sobbing now. "And I couldn't see and they were stuck in my hair. I couldn't run away they were getting on me everywhere."

Realizing this isn't a potty emergency I pick her up and carry her back into her room. She tells me she needs some snuggles and so I oblige and lay down with her. I hold her close and tell her everything is okay, that butterflies are nice and won't hurt her. I smooth her hair and whisper to her until she falls asleep.

The next morning I go in to help get her dressed and the moment I walk in her room I realize I'm walking right into her dream...




I was proud of the hard work I did painting and decorating her room. I never imagined it would inspire nightmares.

Waiting

Right now it feels like my life is all about waiting for....

• Jay to hear back from Border Patrol.
• Masen to be born.
• Fall to start.
• Jessica to be old enough for kindergarten.
• Anna's medicine to work or not work so we can move forward or adjust.
• Disneyland.
• the kids to give Cubby a bath.
• Thanksgiving.
• motivation to start my next sewing project.
• bulk trash pickup so I can clean my yard.
  

Yes, I'm just waiting. I guess it gives me time to smell the roses.

The end of Summer but not the Heat!

Weeks 9 and 10 of Summer brought as much fun and busyness as the first weeks did.

Week 9 had us coming back from vacation and attempting to get our home and lives pulled back together. There were several end of summer play dates and the beginning of some shopping trips. Grammy (my mom) took us to the mall one day and the girls enjoyed going to Justice to pick out earrings from Grammy. I also surprised them with lunchboxes from Justice. I couldn't help myself there was a sale and the price made it completely comparable to Target's prices. I regretted it as in the car on the way home the comments from the back were "Do you know what I really like about it? It says Justice with a cute heart on the back." My girls have never been treated to making purchases such as these from a mall. Until now they believed all things come from Target, Costco, Ross, TjMax or Walmart. Then all afternoon Sarah went through her cloths and proceeded to bring out items with the "Justice" label claiming how much shes always admired them. (Justice cloths are sold at Ross.)

The meltdown occurred a few days later when Sarah's BFF Mary Jane had purchased a lunchbox to match Sarah and also acquired the matching backpack. Sarah now knew she had to have one as well. I made it a point to stop by Justice to check it out and discovered it was more than twice as expensive as any other backpack I'd been looking at. To make matters worse it would never hold up for more than a year. I was trying to help explain to Sarah the importance in making wise purchases. Nana came to my rescue, she especially took Sarah out shopping (to Ross) and bought her a far better backpack for half the price then spent the remainder on extra accessories, showing her that when you shop smart you get much more for your money. Thankfully Sarah came home excited to tell me all about the bonuses her backpack afforded her.

For fun Friday the girls were able to create their own 3D rings. I had saved this project as one of our last because I knew they would enjoy having them to wear at school.



Week 10 was to be quite and pretty laid back with only a few items left to buy and everyone settling into the routine of a school schedule. Daddy always takes the girls to buy supplies and I must say I really enjoy that tradition. My contribution is to spend the evening separating and labeling everything.

We also went out this week and did family pictures. I know it's crazy to make the end of summer our family picture time, but I like to try and get it when we are all looking tanned and refreshed after a vacation. Jessica has become more cooperative and I was able to keep Jarom in a good mood all day so he wouldn't be too crabby. I think they are our best family pictures ever and I wasted no time in getting them hung around our home.


You'll never guess, but our Final Fun Friday was to have the girls make photo albums of their many summer adventures. It was my hope that they will appreciate the many bonding memories we've built.


2011 was a summer I know I will always cherish. We spent countless hours working and playing together as a family. I was able to spend the time getting to know each one of my daughters on a deeper level. I truly feel that my summer goals were reached.

One Last "Surprise" Adventure....
The Monday before school started we drove out to Surprise to spend a last day with my family and celebrate Papa's 61st birthday. To every ones complete happiness my brother, sister in-law and their 3 beautiful children came down from Utah that morning. We only get to see each other a couple of times a year so this was a great treat and rearranged my schedule for the better. We were able to relax, play games, go swimming, snuggle the kids and just enjoy being together. They left on Wednesday and the girls started school on Thursday. It was truly a perfect end to our summer break.

VACATION with the MACKS!!

By far one of my favorite Summer Memories was spending several days at Wright's Lake (near Tahoe) in the Gade's cabin. The drive took a really long time but the girls have been looking forward to this all summer so they behaved very well. We didn't have a single fight or disobedient moment on the way there. Jessica (who will now be referred to as Spunky to avoid confusion with Aunt Jessica) had a difficult time comprehending just how long this car ride would last. I wasn't feeling very well that day so Jarom was stuck doing all of the driving.
Arriving in Sacramento we were greeted by Kim and Justin and got to spend a night in their cute apartment. Aunt Jessica joined us during the night so when the girls woke up they were very excited to see her. After picking up a few groceries we all headed for some time away from it all in the mountains.

Just a few of the highlights....

Much to the girls pleasure Aunt Jessica opted to ride to the lake in our van. It was fun to hear them all in the back laugh through "Megamind", taking pictures and catching up.

Somehow everyone overlooked packing bug spray and unfortunately the mosquitoes were so thick that I was literally breathing them in on my attempted hike with the girls. So priority the next day was for Jarom and Justin to head down to the Ice House small store to purchase it. All us girls entertained ourselves with time in the canoe. About an hour later the guys come back and no bug spray. They got lost and just drove until they found their way back to the cabin. Aunt Jessica was already covered in bites as were Sarah & Justin so we really couldn't just rough it. This lead to a girls trip down the mountain. Mission accomplished we saved the vacation with our $12 cans of bug repellent.

At night the grownups wanted to spend time together and play games. The only dilemma is that we were staying in basically a one room cabin. The girls would go to bed in the bunks and I would hang blankets to try and keep the light off them so they could sleep while we ate junk food and tested our skills at Pass the Popcorn, Hit or Miss, Outburst and Shanghai. Spunky could fall asleep quickly but Sarah especially had a difficulty with being left out of the fun so she would continually peak out at us. I can't really blame Sarah it was a lot more fun then sleeping.

Anna's favorite part of our trip was the hike to the waterfalls. She did a great job of keeping up and not complaining even though it got hard in a few places. Every time I looked to check on her she would give me one of her beautiful smiles and a thumbs up.
During one part of the hike I looked ahead and noticed Justin walking with his long legs and Spunky sprinting to keep pace, she would take almost 3 steps to his one. She was attempting to leap over rocks he merely stepped over. I took the opportunity to catch up with them and offer a turn holding onto Spunky's hand. (She could be exhausting to hold hands with as you do tend to support her a lot). Spunky agreed to the hand off but kept saying "Uncle Justin, does this mean I can still be your best buddy?". It was really cute.
I was proud of how determined Sarah was to enjoy the freezing water. We actually passed patches of snow on our hike up to the waterfalls; that water was freshly melted sow!

Kimberly took the girls out a couple of times so Jarom and I could rest. They climbed boulders, gathered flowers and talked Kim's ear off. I'm sure that by the end of the trip Kimberly was looking forward to some restored peace, but the girls would never have guessed it.

Meals were excellent. We were eating better than we do at home, the best part was that the guys would do the dishes without even complaining. (I got it on video, it certainly was something to be remembered).

The outhouse was a surprisingly decent experience. It was actually much better than using a public restroom. Spunky said her favorite time with Aunt Jessica was when she'd take her to the outhouse, don't ask me why.

When it was time for us to head home there were tears of good-by and hope that we would get to visit again soon. For me the best part of this vacation was the time spent with family!

Enjoy the pictures ...and please ignore the typos and misspellings I put the slid together at around 1am.

Picture slideshow generated with Smilebox

Summer week 7

Well, I know I'm really behind now, but I just really want to finish what I started. So here is Week 7...

We finished Sarah's diving lessons. No pictures sorry, but as I've mentioned it was really fun. We missed one lesson because there was fecal matter in the pool. They had a make up session on Saturday but we were unable to attend because we already had plans.

Fun Friday

Jessica unfortunately missed out again. It worked out for me because the activity I had planned was a bit beyond her age. Anna and Sarah enjoyed making stylish dresses out of paper. They were hesitant to get started, but then they really ran with it and I must say they turned out so cute.

Note the girls are sporting their pink hair. We put it on that Thursday. They've been waiting for a turn with it since March when Aunt Kristy & Harley came from Utah with some in. They weren't able to have colored hair at school.

Jessica took not participating really well. I found out why when her sisters were showing off their work. Jessica admired them all politely then asked me, "Was I a good girl?" Yes, she was being particular good that day. "So, would you please use your Mommy Magic to turn the one of these into a real one I could wear." Honey if I had magic powers I'd sure do that and so much more. I love how little she still is.


Saturday visit with Aunt Monica & Uncle Ken

The girls had a fabulous time swimming and playing at Ken & Monica's house. I was babysitting Hayden so he got to come along and I must say he was sooooo well behaved. We all got a little too much sun but it was very worth it! We don't get to see Monica very often and the girls really love them so it was a special treat. Ken is so funny and Hayden couldn't get enough of him shouting "cannonball" as he would jump in and splash us all.

Hayden watched a couple of the kids jump in and immediately followed them. He was so cute going off the board.

Jessica was afraid to jump from the board and settled for right beside it.

Sarah enjoyed paddling herself on the huge raft.

Time to leave. Having too much fun is the best way to get tired.

Sunday we went out to Surprise to visit with my family and drop off Cubby with my parents. It was fun to spend the afternoon and evening visiting. I knew as we left a bit late that night that I was going to miss the carefree way we can just stay out there until late, the start of school does have its drawbacks.

Summer Weeks 5 & 6

Week #5 of summer is the one that I savored, and must admit indulged myself some with much need relaxation (this was the only week I knew I could count on for any Mommy down time). Sarah, Anna & Jessica capitalized on my lazy ways because I felt bad that "Fun Friday" was kind-a lame as I had several errands I'd put off all week. Each stop meant some attention for them. We spent time reading and playing while at the library and walked out with several books for them but not the one I wanted for me. We bought a movie to watch while at Target (love the $3 movies there). Then Sarah & Jessica enjoyed Churros and Anna a Slushie when we stopped at Sam's Club (we also hung out with Daddy on his lunch break). Finally, we came home for the real fun; which I must admit was just making beaded jewelry with sparkly pipe cleaners while watching their new movie. The real shocker for me was that instead of complaining that it was a bit boring or silly all three of them were overjoyed with everything we did. I received heartfelt thanks several times throughout the day. It was nice that on a week I was feeling bad for sleeping in and playing on the computer they were still very appreciative and felt rewarded for keeping the rules.

Week #6
This was the week of July 4th. I don't have any pictures to document it, but we spent the night in Surprise playing games with my family to celebrate Bernadette's birthday and of course the Independence of our nation. It is really neat because the Surprise fireworks show is literally 1/4 a mile from the end of the Redmonds' street. We get front row seats from their front yard. We enjoyed a birthday breakfast with Auntie Bernadette before coming home for 2 days in a row with Daddy off work.
This was also the week Sarah started diving lessons at the Paradise Valley Pool. Her instructor was not good, but Sarah being very athletic took to diving really well. Despite her poor instruction she was doing great flips and tricky dives by the end of just 6 lessons. Sarah surprised us by taking to the 9 meter board without much hesitation. Her back dives are more graceful then her front ones, but they are all great.
Anna spent a couple of Sarah's lessons talking really big about how she could go off the high dive too. We decided to give Anna her chance during free swim one evening. She looked so tiny and frail climbing the ladder that the life guard actually slipped off his flip flops and grabbed his rescue float. Anna wouldn't have noticed as she showed us her determination by marching right to the end and jumping off like it wasn't a bit daunting. She couldn't have been called elegant, but it was a success!
Not to be forgotten Fun Friday this week was making glitter pens. We had one extra so we invited Dylan to join us.

To me the best part of this Friday was watching Jessica and Dylan in the pool. Jessica tends to follow Dylan's lead more than her sisters. I think this is largely due to the mere 7 months that separates them. So, when Dylan was swimming and jumping around actively something clicked for Jessica and she has become a fish! You have the understand that at the beginning of the summer Jessica clung to my neck and screamed like crazy just because she was in the water. Jarom and I both knew she could swim fine but she didn't have the confidence in herself. I now get to watch her play and keep up with her sisters instead of standing on the stairs telling everyone to stay away from her.
On Saturday the girls and I went to the new Jumbo! indoor play place. Dylan was celebrating her 5th birthday so we had a mini party with her there. The girls all had a wonderful time playing laser tag, mini golf, mini bowling, arcade games, riding on the rides and playing in the soft play area. I get overwhelmed with the crowds and turning in tickets for prizes, but overall it was really neat.

Living with a chronically ill child.

Anna

This is a more personal blog entry for me. I'm only writing it because I don't keep a journal anymore so this blog has become my journal of sorts. I have really been wanting a place to express my feelings. Maybe it will help stop my subconscious from giving me bad dreams.

Anna has been sick since her first month of life. She was hospitalized for about a week because she wouldn't eat and was projectile vomiting anything I managed to get her to take. They said she had sever reflux and put her on some medication which did help. For a while...

By her 4 month check up she was loosing weight instead of gaining it. None of her doctors could tell us what was wrong. She was poked and prodded almost daily. Being so little they would take blood samples from her tiny heels and they could only take a certain amount each day so we would go back several days in a row let them stick her baby foot and squeeze blood into the tubes drop by agonizing drop. The only comfort I could offer was her pacifier so she has been my only baby to keep a pacifier past 9 months. Trust me it is much easier to break them from it at around 6 months.

At 10 months old with still no medical answers Anna began to thrive again. The answer we were given for this delightful development "Sometimes babies just go through those stages and we don't know why". Nice!! However, I was prepared to enjoy a normal life now.

Anna's life has been anything but normal unfortunately. She has continued to have these "stages" where she looks too thin and has never had a normal appetite. She needed physical therapy at age 2 because she couldn't run. Anna had frequent tummy troubles and was diagnosed with a sever peanut allergy at about age 4.

Last summer was the first period of time that I was not working and around Anna every day, day in and out. It only took a few weeks for me to notice that her eating and bathroom routine were concerning. We began to see another specialist (at the recommendation and prompting of a good friend who's child is severely ill). You can imagine I was not very excited to go down this road again. I just really had no faith in Dr.s being able to provide answers, but Anna couldn't outrun children 2 years younger than her. Jessica (3 years younger) could out bounce her on the trampoline. This just wasn't right.

It has been agonizing again. Having to track every bowl movement, hiccup attack, tummy upset, headache and throw-up burp has just sharpened my awareness of how horribly sick my little Angel has been. It makes me feel like an awful Mommy. How could I let her live almost 7 years of her life feeling so miserable.

Unfortunately the answers were slow to come. Once again she was subjected to a battery of being scoped from both ends, blood work, stool samples, barium swallows, the list and medical bills go on and on. During the testing phase we knew she has a horrible reflux problem and an inflammation in her large intestine. So, she began taking medicine to help. When the meds didn't do much we were bumped to the next level, which means more expensive.

At the end of March despite all of her super drugs Anna came close to death for the second time. There was no reason to hospitalize her as there was really nothing more the doctor could do, but I watched, stressed and recorded daily as she lost weight, lost hair, lost her smile, grew heavy bags under her eyes because she would wake in pain several times a night, lost her appetite due to the 10 canker sores she had in her mouth and throat, she had blood in her stool and sever pain in her tummy.

Pic. taken at beginning of April while she was so sick. She couldn't even muster a genuine smile for pics and had visible bags despite the makeup.

The turning point came at the beginning of May. We asked for a family fast that first Sunday. Before the end of that first week we had some answers. Anna had her 3rd allergy testing and instead of coming back negative to everything again (except the nut allergy confirmed via blood work) Anna came back allergic to 35 things.

Our journey isn't over and I don't think it ever really will be. The reflux will need to be medicated her whole life. She was so sick that she is still on a steroid (though we have begun to lower her dosage and bring her off). Her little body has been nutrient deficient most of her life and long term consequences to that are something I haven't been able to bring myself to research. The latest blow came last week as we tried to refill her steroid, we were informed our insurance never should have covered it and it was going to cost us $1,000 a month going forward. After some stressful time spent on the phone I was able to get some samples from her Dr. I'm hopeful they will last until she can be off it.

I know things could be worse. I guess I'd just really like to say that things could be a heck of a lot better too. There are countless hours spent managing my daughters health and care. I'm sick and tired of people telling me "oh, it's allergies...she'll probably outgrow them". I'd like for those people to tell Anna that when she cries about not being able to eat at a friends party or our family dinner. By the way according to her specialist Anna will never out grow these.

I could and did go on and on with my complaints (thankful for a delete button). What I want to say tonight more than anything is that Anna is worth it. Her life fills mine with much more joy then sorrow. She is a strong, brave and wonderful person and I'm so thankful that she is mine.

Week #4

Our summer continues. Yes, I'm a bit behind on recording the events on my blog but that only means I'm using my time to keep the girls busy. Week #4 was not the exception as the full week was action packed. This was our first week without swimming lessons but we made up for the extra time with...

Play Dates:
It was so much fun having extra kids around. I know that might sound crazy but my daughters are much better behaved when they have friends over to keep them entertained. The trick is to provide a playmate for everyone. So we had six...yes that's right, 6 little girls for some swimming fun.

The girls did some extra yard cleanup which allowed them to have the slide brought over to the pool. It is like their own mini water park.

Later Papa joined in on the fun. He spent the afternoon racing Anna and teaching Sarah & Anna how to do a proper watermelon. Papa even demonstrated a couple to help them with their form. He finished the afternoon letting Jessica tow him around on his water chair.

I was really surprised to see how much my Dad interacted with the girls. Thankfully he does well in the pool, he only seems to have difficulties with pulling himself out and getting tired. The girls were understanding and helpful. I'm sure the memories Dad left them with will far out weigh his exhaustion.

Now we finally get to Fun Friday. This week we attempted to make candles. The project didn't exactly turn out the way the box portrayed it to be. Anna was especially upset that the candle didn't work properly, but I think it was still a neat sand project.

You can see in the background our summer rules and tracking system. They all start the day on green (yeah Sarah), but as they break rules (and have exhausted a warning) they turn their cards to Yellow (as Anna demonstrates) then Red (surprise Jessica provides this example) ending with blue which signifies that they 'Blue it". Two blues a week means no Fun Friday.

Is it over?




Have we covered everything?





But no, there was still one more thing....

We had a primary activity Luau/travel through Book of Mormon times thing. It was a lot of fun. The girls looked super cute and best of all Daddy got to join us!

Fun Fridays

More of our Summer. We've really been having a great time. The last couple of weeks have been more slow (because I really needed a break) but things are getting ready to pick up again. So here are Fun Fridays 2 and 3.

Fun Friday #2 we colored in the driveway with Glow in the dark chalk.

First we had to mix them up and set them in the molds to create the chalk.


Then it we let the creative juices flow! JT really got into it too.


The camera doesn't quite capture the effect but it was really cool for about 20 minutes.


Being a Mom to 3 girls JT and I get a lot of comments when we go out as a family. People love to say "Daddy get your gun ready. You'll be in trouble when they are teenagers!" Or "girls are so much cleaner then boys" another is "sisters are nice because they don't get all riled up the way brothers do". Honestly, I can't say how it would be otherwise because I only know my girls, but I can without a doubt prove that....

(Fun Friday #3 colored bubbles)

"Girls can be very messy"




"My daughters get riled up when they want to"





and forget the gun. When the boys start to come around I'm going to invite them into our living room where I'll have several pictures blown up to poster size on the walls.


(don't pick a fight with her. She'll win.)